Thursday, November 5, 2009

Japan Tour: Toilets

In Singapore, every time I bake a cake, it is such a mundane, dull and unexciting affair, which I complete all within 5 minutes at the very most.

If you do not understand what I mean, ‘bake a cake’ is just an euphemism for moving one’s bowels, now you get it, don’t you?

Why am I writing such a topic? Is it that I run out of topic to write as to stoop to this ‘shitty’ level? Of course not, this post is a continuation of my holidays in Hokkaido, Japan last month, so sit back and enjoy!

I have always heard so much about the Japanese toilet bowl which melds technology with one of man’s basic needs since evolution. Thus in Hokkaido, I was most pleased to witness the first ‘vestige’ of such brilliant toilet bowls in Japan’s airport.

However, my first encounter with the toilet bowl then did not ‘translate into action’. I was starving after having been through tens of hours of flight and coach travel to get from Singapore to Hokkaido. I did not have the ‘prerequisite’ to do my first and special ‘bombing’ on Hokkaido.

On the first night at the Japanese hotel, after a full and hearty buffet dinner, I soon accumulated enough ‘capital’ to do my ‘big business’ in the Japanese toilet bowl in my hotel room and I entered the toilet eagerly.

What followed was a succession of quick and unrelenting ‘bombings’: “POO….BOO….ARGHHHH……OOHHH”

Calm and tranquility soon reigned thereafter.

Why is the Japanese toilet bowl special? To cut the long story short, each Japanese toilet bowl comes with features that help you to wash up after a series of “bombings”.

After I was done with my “business”, I pressed one of the 3 or 4 buttons on the armrest of the toilet bowl valiantly. ‘Valiantly’ is the appropriate word to use as the description for each button is made in Japanese words, there were some pictorial description but I could not comprehend them. After pressing one of the buttons, I waited anxiously for my fate!

A noozle emerged from the interior of the top of the bowl and proceeded to shoot needle-shots of water but it did not reach the targeted area of washing as it went beyond (I later realized it was for washing of women’s sensitive part). So I stopped it with the ‘stop’ button, which I could make out.

I tried another button, this time another nozzle emerged and sprayed its loads of water into the ‘target’ precisely and accurately!

“Wow”, the feeling was indescribable! “Shiok” should be the word used instead! The cleaning did not stop unless you hit the ‘Stop’ button and I also figured out on how to alternate between warm and cold washing water. I never enjoyed moving my bowels as much as here, in Japan!

I also tried exploring the towel bowl further and I realized it is real intelligent. If I were to just stand up and press the washing buttons, the noozles would not be activated! The toilet bowl is smart enough to detect ‘false alarms’.

I have recently completed reading a great book “What would Google do?” by Jeff Jarvis. One of the ideas that was tossed up in the book is for toilet bowls in the future to be so intelligent that within minutes after you move your bowels, the bowl would do an analysis of your waste and advise you on the current condition of your health and the minerals you need to bone up on! This may be reality soon!

I have fallen in love with Japan toilet bowls!